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Friday, February 17, 2006

My Crop Circle

In 1992, I built my own crop circle. I was living on an acre in East Hampton, N.Y., and cut the grass weekly with a riding mower. That was fun. It took about an hour and half to do the acre, and I used the interim as “thinking time”—there wasn’t much else to do. One time I was thinking about the slew of crop circles that were appearing in U.K. farm fields that summer, and I thought, I’m gonna make my own. I went to the far back corner of the lot, which was sort of shielded by a grove of trees—I had let this small portion of grass “go to meadow.” I drove into the middle of this unmowed patch (with blade disengaged, natch), and proceeded to circle outward from the center, cutting the tall grass down to size. Soon, I had a circle that was about 20 feet in diameter. I had made a crop circle.
I loved my crop circle, but it was kinda nondescript—it was nothing like the beautiful designs in the English countryside. So, I decided to make The One Stone Henge. I found a rock in the stone wall that was about the size and shape of a toilet seat cover, similar to the “heel stone” at Stonehenge. I made a small trench in the center of the circle and planted the rock in it. Presto! Instant pagan worship site. I would go out at night and dance around the stone naked under the moonlight (yeah, right).
I cared for the circle all summer, carefully entering into it with blade up so as to keep a buffer of tall grass around it. Apparently the neighbors took notice of the construction, and being the big Christians that they were, suspiciously asked my wife at the time what the circle “was used for.” She told them I was an “artist” (I’m not) and that the circle was an “installation”. Ha. Good answer.
Toward the end of August, we went away for the weekend, and my brother-in-law stayed at the house while we were away. Imagine my dismay upon our return that he had cut the grass. The dumbbell mowed every inch of the yard--including the buffer surrounding the crop circle. I think he did it at the urging of my mother-in-law, another very religious person. I wanted to murderlize him. Shoot, I never even took a photo of the thing. As far as the “real” circles go, I believe that they are all man-made and “aliens” and “universal nature energy” have nothing to do with them. Some of them are really quite beautiful, and I admire those hoaxsters and artists who make them.
Here's a good site for viewing pics, etc.

2 Comments:

Blogger X. Dell said...

Reminds me of a Bill Cosby story. Cos stored a snowball in the freezer so he could pelt his worst enemy with it in the middle of July, thus taking him by complete surprise.

Cos' went to retrieve the snowball, and found that his mom had thrown it away.

What is it with moms and brothers-in law?

11:41 AM  
Blogger Suki said...

The thing about good crop circles is that they are mandalas, which mesmerize. I read on one site that they have been around since the 1700's, and another since 1975.

http://www.bertjanssen.nl/cropcircles.html

12:05 PM  

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