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Saturday, May 06, 2006

Biblioscopes: Advice for All Sun Signs May 6-12

Biblioscopes are the union of bibliomancy, divination through opening books to random pages and pondering the meaning of the phrases therein, and horoscopes, in that each sign does share certain commonalities, including planetary transits. Each Saturday I ask the Universe to lead my hands in opening the book to the right page for a week's worth of good advice for each sun sign.
This week's featured book is "How to Succeed with Men" by David Copeland and Ron Louis, in which we learn that men consider commitment a sort of business deal in which they trade the improbable possibility of having sex with every hot woman in the world for ho-o-o-o-o-ome coookin'.
Aries (March 21 - April 20)
The groups which seemed barren of potential men she visited less often, or not at all.
I think she's being a bit ruthless. Maybe you are too. Spend some time with people who can't help you. Maybe you can help them.

Taurus (April 21- May 20)
Just get talking, give him wins, and don't disqualify him too quickly (more on that in a bit), and you'll have the first step of the flirting interaction underway.
To get what you want, you will have to smile through some awkward stupidity. It's only temporary.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
We want you to use that sense of innocence, fun, creative expression, spontaneity, freedom, and wonder while you're dating.
Explore each of those senses all week, dating or not. You can have fun when you're not playing the field, Gemini. I know you don't believe it, but it's true.

Cancer (June 21-July 20)
Does he accept bad service and abuse readily?
Do you? You deserve better. Start asking for better. You'll be surprised at how fast it comes.

Leo (July 21-Aug. 20)
Helping you,if you appear grateful for it, is an immediate win for a man.
Asking for help with your project will not make you seem as needy as you think. It may give someone the chance to befriend you.

Virgo (Aug. 21-Sept. 20)
If you call him, it is permissible to leave a message two times.
Nagging never works, but be especially low-key about your needs this week.

Libra (Sept. 21-Oct. 20)
These little actions add up. Rome wasn't built in a day, and habits don't change in an instant, so you can stop worrying that they ought to.
Be patient with yourself. Even small changes in behavior take lots of mindfulness and strength of will. You may want to try self-hypnosis, affirmations, etc.

Scorpio (Oct. 21-Nov. 20)
Karen began to model herself after a character in a novel as a way to break out of her habitual patterns and fear.
And dressing up is fun, too! It was cape day in Iceland not too long ago. So dig out one of your trek shirts, or something gothic, whatever, for a day--or for your lover, for a night!

Sagittarius (Nov. 21-Dec.20)
Most of the time, you handle a bomb by sending in some sort of robot just blow it up. No problem if you are not nearby. Repeat: no problem if you are not nearby. Keep your emotional and/or physical distance from hot-button issues, red flags, bombs, and Osama.

Capricorn (Dec. 21-Jan. 20)
The first thing we want you to do is to get over the idea that your relationship conversation has to be a big, heavy, scary operation.
Let's talk about us, shall we? How is our relationship going? If you're reading what I'm typing, I think we're getting along. If you need to bring up any heavy topic this week, try to give it some humor, try not to take it seriously. And put yourself in the other person's shoes and frame the dialog on how it is advantageous to them, as in: "Bob, this demotion will be great for you! Now you really will have time to blog at work!"

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb 20)
Are you excited? Does the idea of having tons of dates and being desired by many eligible bachelors seem wonderful to you?
Aquarius loves to be loved, and makes everyone work hard to do it. This is your week to shine though. Congratulations!

Pisces (Feb.21-Mar. 20)
Also, if the drive is stressful, any talk you have will be stressful, too. Only bring up your relationship in the car if the drive itself is easy, beautiful, and fun.
I have a better tip for you. Don't bring up your relationship in the car. Go parking and have sex in the car. Your relationship will take care of itself.

Notes: "How to Succeed with Men" is actually a good book for women getting back into the singles scene and would like to find a steady boyfriend. This is not a book about getting married. (This is written by men--they wouldn't betray their kind so easily!)
As a Nympho, I only use the Ruthless Nympho method (which only work for chics who love sex, but hey, I'm just me here!).


*The dates given to each sun sign are approximate--the dates of each sun sign change annually with the date of the vernal equinox. If you were born between the 18th and 24th of any month, you should get a free astrology report from www.astrology.com or www.geocosmic.org just so you can answer properly when someone asks, "What's your sign?"

2 Comments:

Blogger Rob Markowitz said...

I personally consider relationships more like gambling...if I guess correctly what a particular woman actually wants or what's she's thinking, I win. But as with gambling, I have yet to win big.

5:37 PM  
Blogger Suki said...

I actually don't know how men put up with women. I have had women throw themselves at me, especially in my twenties, and I was kind of interested...but they all seemed to be crazy when it came right down to it.

I don't know if that was because my own issues with bi-sexuality fuktmeup, or chics are nuts when it comes to romance/love/sex.

9:03 AM  

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